The art of subtle bullying – how to identify it and how to deal with it

Bullies don’t always act directly. Some bullies want to make sure no body knows that they have such intent. They can bully you in a way that no one notices but inside they may be tearing you apart. Such bullies torture you subtly but constantly and so powerfully that it might affect you emotionally and lower your productivity at workplace, school or even at home.

How to identify it ?

Isolating you :

Subtle bullying can happen almost anywhere. If you are in a group, say group of friends or at workplace, you might be isolated from that group, you might not be invited for parties or events. And the bullies make sure you get to know that you are not invited in the most subtle way after the event and you end up thinking about the reasons for not getting the invite the whole day.

Criticizing your talent :

Getting destructive criticism constantly for the work you do could be the biggest heart-break. Some people make sure that you never shine in your life by constantly putting you under self-doubt. Such bullies magnify your negatives and conveniently forget your positives and strengths. These people never in their life appreciate good things and they want you to be few steps behind them always.

Sabotaging your reputation :

This is another awesome way of putting people down. Some bullies keep bad-mouthing about others to friends and colleagues all the time and they feel so good about it. It always happens at workplace and might even put your career at stake.

Taking credits for your efforts :

These people always pay attention to what you do so that they can compete with you and copy whatever you do and might even take credits for your work and ideas. They also want to make sure you never go a step ahead of them. It’s because they can never stand you achieving great heights. This person could be even your long term childhood friend.

How to deal with it ?

  1. Do not trust everybody blindly.
  2. Trust your intuition. If it says to stay away from someone, please do.
  3. If you understand someone is bullying you indirectly, make sure the person knows you are not affected by it.
  4. Build a strong group of trust-worthy friends and let the bully not enter your gang.
  5. Ignore negativity and toxicity.
  6. Be confident and never be a victim of self-doubts
  7. Trust your capabilities and talents more than someone else’s criticism.
  8. If someone puts you down, stand-up for yourself. Do not encourage him by keeping quiet.
  9. Do not discuss your plans and goals with everybody. This will make the job easy for people to steal your ideas and take credits.
  10. Always keep your vision and dreams really big and work for it continuously so that you don’t have time to think about such narrow-minded people.

Image credit : pexels.com

29 Comments Add yours

  1. kevin cooper says:

    Good points. I hate to think of bullying as art though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mommy Me says:

      Agree but it was sarcastic and subtle bullying is something not many of us can do just like arts 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Your suggestions are excellent. I’ve used them all and they work. Number 6 is the hardest for me personally. I do see improvements in casting away doubts and I’m much happier and more confident in my pursuits.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Mommy Me says:

    Thank you and I am glad to know that you are more positive now! I understand since no.6 is hard for me as well and it takes a lot of courage to overcome self-doubts and build self-confidence. More power to you!

    Like

  4. Your tips are really useful. I suffer a similar situation many years ago, and I decided to ignored everything, be strong for my family and myself, trust my intuition, and build something to myself that I can be proud of, and leave behind toxic people, and guess what? it works jeje.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mommy Me says:

      That’s really bad that you had to suffer because of such bullies. But it’s wonderful that you found a way to let those negativity go and I am sure the process required a lot of courage and determination. I am equally proud of you for being able to set everything right by believing in yourself. This is truly inspiring. More power to you!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you my dear, as I was reading your post everything was instantly clicking in my head. Anyway I am in a better place now, and stronger than ever. We ( women) are more powerful than what we can think, we just need to focus in what’s really important.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. heatherjo86 says:

    This is an excellent post. Subtle bullying is in my opinion the most detrimental to your mental health. It is definitely an art form because they skillfully break you down in ways that are invisible to others. I’ve personally dealt with someone like this in the workplace and because of this person’s high position, their behavior prevented me from advancement so I left. I’ve seen this woman bring others to tears with her antics and since no one witnesses any negative behavior, complaints to HR go unfounded with no substantial evidence. I haven’t seen this woman in years and I’ve just recently gotten over what she did to me. I truly believe wicked people like this will meet a just end (Psalms 37:10,11). Until then, your suggestions are spot on. Thanks for these reminders.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mommy Me says:

      I am so sorry you had to go through a tough time because of a bully. But I am proud of you that you have raised above all the negativity. More power to you!
      Thank you for taking time to read the post and for your valuable comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. cheriewhite says:

    This is on point! I’ve had the same tactics used against me, along with the more obvious tactics like beatings and name calling, during middle and high school. This type of bullying was do stealth that when I reported it or talked about it, I was ignored, taken for mentally unstable, or outright blamed. I began to research bullying during the mid nineties and learned all about different types of bullies and the tactics they use. Only then did I begin to heal. Thank you for this post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mommy Me says:

      Omg I am so sorry this happened to you. It’s so disheartening to read such stories and it’s even more appalling to know that there are so many bullies out there and bullying is so common everywhere. I am so glad that you decided to heal by understanding how they work.
      I will be more than happy to host you in my blog if you are ready to share something about tackling bullies in middle and high school. I am sure it will benefit many moms, dads and innocent little kids.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. cheriewhite says:

        Thank you so, so much. And yes, I would be honored for you to host me on your blog.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Mommy Me says:

          That’s awesome 👏🏽 I am so happy 😀 Please send me your email. I will write to you in detail about this. info.mommyme@gmail.com is mine. Looking forward!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. cheriewhite says:

            And I will host you on mine as well.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Mommy Me says:

              Thank you very much 🙏🏼 I am honored 🙂

              Like

          2. cheriewhite says:

            Oops! Disregard or delete that last reply. I didn’t think it went through the first time.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Mommy Me says:

              No worries 🙂

              Like

          3. cheriewhite says:

            My email is CherieWhite69@gmail.com

            Looking forward to it!

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Mommy Me says:

              Thank you very much! Will get in touch with you shortly regarding the guest post! Thanks again for your time!

              Like

  7. cheriewhite says:

    And I will host you on mine as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. cheriewhite says:

    Reblogged this on Chateau Cherie and commented:
    Mommy Me is a blog about parenting and as we know, if you’re a parent, there may come a time when your child becomes the object of bullying in school. I enjoyed reading this post and it has a lot of great insights. Please feel free to follow Mommy Me’s blog!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mommy Me says:

      Thanks for sharing 🙂

      Like

      1. cheriewhite says:

        I love your blog and I’ve nominated you for Sunshine Blogger Award. Your content and words are impeccable!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Mommy Me says:

          Thank you so very much 🙏🏼

          Liked by 1 person

  9. pinkzahra says:

    I love the post it’s so sad but all of us have experienced this during our lives.We have to just try our best to protect our children, and teach them to be kind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mommy Me says:

      Yes, it is very unfortunate that many have to go through bullying. I also agree with you that we are now in a position to protect our kids and it is also our duty to make sure our kids don’t turn in to bullies. Compassion is the need of the hour!
      Thank you very much for taking time to read my post and for leaving your valuable comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi,

    I survived systemic workplace bullying under HR during bereavement in a company that successfully masquerades as ethical.

    I went through all the bullying, subtle, open, aggression, isolation etc.

    Only after 2 customer deaths became public with a 3rd nearly fatal and several injured, does the public take a closer look.

    I write about what I survived and what others still go through.

    > https://expret.org/2019/10/28/caught-in-the-act-at-pret <

    .

    Liked by 1 person

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